If You Want Me To Slow Down

I could be curt,
and not cut you in line.
But when will I
Learn to justify,
That giving is as good as getting,
but you're not getting any better,
so why should I give at all?

I could pretend to let live,
And live with regret.
I could pretend that you had died.
That wouldn't change you or I,
This truth, a moth to flame,
Unwavering was my escape.

Got a good god damn job,
Got a cold fucking bed,
Just glad I got a place to lay my hot heaving head.

Got a stiffness to my breath,
Got a sickness stuck in my chest,
But hey, at least I had you...
And her, and she, and that bottle of booze,
The only one who misses me.

Don't worry, fine is how I feel all the time.
You can ask, just relax.
I'm fine, all the time now.
I'm fine, all the time, some how.

Gone, But Not Forgotten

Gone, but not forgotten.
It leaves a life sized wound.
I've dreamed,
Of squeezing it through.

Only a tar pit,
Could ever put me at ease.
The grand place of existence,
A high kept secret,
Amongst the small framed,
I am not afraid.

I can taste it,
A chemical change,
Oh why, do I,
Have to be burdened with,
Caring for you.

All I've got,
Is a heart filled with loss,
and everytime,
I drop a line,
To see how you are,
I remember the scars.

You say I love you,
At the end of every deep endearing phone call,
My body at the moment,
Rejects, wishing you could protect me,
From the demons that consume me.

I project,
An image of conforming,
To the idea,
That you'll be there,
No matter how unfair my mood might be.

But hey...
This was never about me,
I am a byproduct.
And I accept the ineptitude
Of my lackless gratitude,
To the granduer of all things great.

So let us pretend,
That the end,
Ain't as far as it is close.
Cause I am the best that you could do,
And when put to rest,
There is nothing left for us to do..
But accept this truth.
I love you too.

To Plant a Seed

I can't wait to see,
All the things you'll do.
Learn from your mistakes,
Walk tall through the grass
And every eerie lake that you walk past.

Stronger than I,
I hope that when I die,
You can let go of my hand,
and put me to rest,
So I can watch what you will do best,
Deep beneath the hot weeping sands.


I fear that I'll fail,
I fear that you'll be,
What I most hated.
A kid with no love
Whose shadow always trailing,
Whose love willingly traded,
For another shot at danger,
regardless of what's at stake,
Seeking hate instead of saviors.

Happiness is not as far away as I'd like to think.
Maybe one day, I will show you the way,
To sleep soundly,
To think profoundly,
To love like no else does.

Maybe one day,
I can resurrect you from the grave,
That my love has made for you.
It was my fault too.

At least in my head,
You are alive and well,
Living life, raising hell.
At least in my head,
My head.

Shaking Me Out of My Sleep

I'd stay,
If caving in was worth waiting.
I would pray,
If being forgiven was my number one.
I've lost my way, as I held my tongue.

This was not my idea,
Of having a good time.
But I left the alter,
In the nick, through the thick of things.

So cheers to the future us,
Maybe one of the two,
Will make a baby who,
Understands this deeply shallow life.

I've no clue,
Who I was when I was that dude.
I am running out of air to breathe,
But atleast I can come clean when I know I'm wrong,
The bridge we burned was never really that strong.

I'm the best I can be,
We are our best when we would leave things at rest.
And as we put the truth to test,
Slowing down was what worked out in the end.

My teeth dig in,
To the letter,
Every dotted i,
Every t crossed right.
Cheeks spread to show my grin yet,
I've got pressure holding my heavy chest down.

What a way to go,
At the edge of a sword.
At the end of a pen.
What a way to go,
To the end of the edge of the unknown.
The end of the edge of everything we know.

Cut From Cardboard, Worn On the Sleeve

They always say the same thing,
When walking away from me.
Aren't we worth saving?
Wasn't this what dreamers dream about?
All those words of love now hurt,
When said aloud.
The truth always gets stuck inside of my mouth.

I remember, a time,
When "mine" meant something real.
Now when facing trial,
I stick to my guns and hold up denial,
Higher than hope, higher than trust.
Higher than the space created between us.

Weight of the anvil,
Shakes the top of the frame,
To the edges of the handle.
Mental states, rearranged.
Common places we'd like to escape.

I remember, that day,
When the clouds streaked across,
Cutting off everything my eyes searched for.
Anything to lose, that gaze you put fourth.

Weight of my breath,
Shaking my senses,
Stood still pretending,
That there were no fences.

I always said the same things,
To avoid my failings.
Am I worth saving?
I can't find you in my dreams,
But you'll always stay a secret in my sheets,
Warmed when underneath.

Yeah, What??

I'd kill to kill to be inside!
Even though hell is my reside.
You disappear, like a paper napkin.
I'm so deeply fashioned,
With a sense of pride a..
Girl. Ashley.
Emily, Brittany,Sidney,
Mara, Sarah, My kidneys,
Are you kidding me?

I always wonder what my excuse,
Will excuse me from.
Afraid to try,
Frayed to die.
I am the one who lies.

On the bed,
Of ice,
Although ties,
Keep on the fuckin' edge!

Who will help me get there?
A place so near?
Who will help me get close,
To those, who so dare to close,
On open space which you reside??
So what if I try?
So what if we don't fucking understand?
I would love to die.

I would love to die!
Yet I am the one who lies.
The one alive.

Whats to sate, the fucking taste.
I like what I do,
What is it to you?

Can I be,
What you want from me?
Can I be good?
Mis...UNDERSTOOD!

Always Us, Never Them

As a mountain,
I stood tall.
Conquering anything,
In my grasp.

As a flood,
I tore up,
The roots of once was
the great green grass.

Too many nights,
On cold hard ground.
Too many times,
Blacked out.

Light screaming through my eye lids,
Open them up to deal with what I did.
You always told me to slow down,
Before I got caught up choking, and now,
As the darkness has come,
I am undone. I am undone.

As a trail,
I gave way,
To every weary traveler
Every fleeting day.

As the wind,
I blew across each state,
Looking for purpose in my namesake.

Light screaming through my eye lids,
Open them up to deal with what I did.
You always held my hand,
Even as blood dripped to my disgust and,
The darkness has come once again,
Could never wash away the skeletons.

I am undone,
I am the only one.
I am alive,
Although I'd sacrifice
Given the chance to fly.

I Bought My Thoughts From the Secret Shop

These are our churches.
Where we lay our heads when we feel worthless.
Our crutches at the edge of nervous,
Making sense of life's purpose.

In our own way,
We destroy and create,
Every moving part a piece,
Of a more vast deeper thing.

I could lose sleep,
I could lose time,
Irrelevant to what is actually mine.

Never hire a pyromaniac
To build your bridges.
If you fail to keep them intact,
Never look back as to not repeat the past.

I could lose sleep,
I could lose time,
None of it was ever actually mine.

Drinking alone,
Looking for someone new,
Getting used to the cold,
Unsure of what is and what isn't.

These are our churches,
Our own burning bridges.
These are our homes,
These are our homes.

I could lose sleep,
I could lose time,
Happily, on this path of mine.

In Through My Nose and Out of My Mouth

Losing sight, going blind,
Can't even sort out these blank thoughts of mine.
I bathe in the wake, taking up space.
Sacrificed light pales in persistence.

Speaking in tongues,
Crossing my fingers, numb.
Black thick taking names from up above,
As below us crumbles back to nothing, dust.

I wade through lakes of fire,
Trying to locate where you are.
Burdened by a heavy heart,
Given up everything I once was,
Just for one more taste of us.

I can see it taking a toll,
My skin in wrinkles.
My breath filled with smoke,
Choking on every line of a bad joke.

Count me in, I'm out of refrain.
I used to pretend to accept the disdain.
Where happiness was, a new picture I paint.
You look so pretty in your new grave,
Fingers engaged to hands not of my own.

Is it ok that "dead to me",
is all that you'll remember of me?
I think not, but I won't stop,
Even after I got caught,
My own worst critic,
Maybe one day it'll be ok just to visit.

American Terrorist

Can you hear it now?
The beat of bleeding wings.
Crashing through the clouds,
A reckoning we bring to ears on the ground.

Can you feel the sounds?
The death of children slash the dirt.
Racking up the toll of death,
Till the tears dry from the women wept.

Can you taste the blood?
Replacing thoughts with thick imagery.
Hollowed shells of once proud people,
Digging in the sands for a chance to be equal.

Can you hear it now?
Unraveling the mysteries of histories long ago.
Changing pages of the ages with a murder of drones.
Don't have to care, as long as we condone.

This is what our children will know,
That we condemned innocents for a way of living.
When they wander the empty streets
Trying to find something packaged to eat.
This is what they will know.
As they march to the drums we've beaten to and fro.

All the Difference (You've Made)

Took a page out of memory lane,
Written by an ink master with no name.
You've seen every shade of me,
From my darkest hour, to my lightest fifteen minutes of fame,
In which I displayed not a shred of resemblance to shame.

Yesterday there was a man,
Who was walking on the opposite side of the street.
I thought to myself, has he seen hell like me?
But who knows what the fuck that really means.

No one is perfect,
Yet we pretend that faking it is worth it.
So I hang my head, in hopes,
That in the end, I'll let it all go.
Struggling with words on the edge of my phone,
Yeah maybe one day, we will let it go,
But who really knows?

I saw someone, whose face reflecting
A flickering trace of my own distaste for being alive.
To my surprise, I bared my teeth,
Laughing it off as we passed sleeve to sleeve.

No one is perfect,
Yet you can catch me pretending that faking it
Will fill me with something else than my own shit.
You can try to get the bottle out of my mouth,
But I always find a way to keep it off the ground.

Liquor perfume, tainted scent of cigarettes.
My choice of "Go fuck yourself" and forget.
Where has all the time went?

Yesterday I had it all figured out,
Had no incentives nor doubts.
Would have given away ever dollar to my name,
For value is placed only in the things you choose to lose,
Unfortunately all I'm losing is myself.

It Goes A Little Like This

We all go around,
Getting spat out,
Worse than we have before,

Life ain't a breeze,
At least that's the way it seems to be.
I love you, she loves him,
My head is spinning,
Everyone's grinning,
Woe is me!

Get your ass to work,
Proper like, it's time for church.
What did I do wrong?
I've barely started singing my song.
Sorry dear, we humans were born to pray,
Or at least that's what they say!

We all go around,
Getting spat out,
Worse than we have before
Keys are tossed, I've locked the door!

Can someone tell me please,
Why we, are perspiring,
To live in circles?


Nothing makes sense,
Of course except acceptance.
But it leaves you perplexed,
The mystery is what comes next,
But cash the check,
It's heaven sent!
Don't you dare put me in the fucking ground!

Life ain't a breeze,
At least that's the way it seems to be.
If I say that I love you, could you love me too?

Woe to Thee

All the hooks, all the stains in the satin books.
I was told as a child by adult crooks,
The thieves of my childhood.
That we are victims of tireless atrocities,
Brought to our knee's by an elite company.
Told me I was free, as long as I could think and believe.
What was it that was so difficult to understand?

Monuments and pages of writ,
Records of the wit of countless tyrants.
People bent on days hell spent,
Enslaving to breed comatose beings.
Whose choices bleed to the finer things,
Such as eating and sleeping in a place
Called home, something sacred,
Somewhere we can all go when we are defeated
And alone.
Something undiscovered, unknown.

What was it that made them so cold?
Love like a cool breeze in the desert heat.
A rarity in the violence of our past.
Something which has caught up quite too fast.
I'd like to safely step outside,
Not wondering who dare wants to take my precious life.
I don't care if it isn't special to you,
But I can tell you this,
Whether you are lost and in pain,
Or completely happy with your life, mundane.
I would love you all the same.

Is it too much to ask?
That even on our worst days, to extend a lending hand?
There's a lot to say about an open arm and an empty wallet.
We aren't the skeletons we keep secret in our closets.

At least the way I see life, it's as easy as pie.
A saying I never truly understood,
Until the day my mother spoke a few mystifying words.
I'd love you even if you wished for me to die.
Something that I, still struggle to accept,
But perhaps I can comprehend yet, in death.

Latitudes and Longitudes

I
I'm on a map
I'm on a map

I
I wanna get
I wanna get that
Get that
Far away

But I,
I've got these legs
Sea legs, yeah

I
I'm always broken
Hoping
To change

I
I'm on a map
I'm on a map

I
I wanna get that
Get that
Far away

I'm on a map,
On a map
I wanna get that
Get that,
Far
Far away

But I
I've got these legs
No way, today,
Broken
I'm open, to stay
Ain't it the same anyway?