As I Lay Alive in Dirt

Does anybody need me,
As bad as I need somebody now?
I'd like to think,
That these things sort themselves out,
But I know without a doubt,
That they tend to linger on the better half of yesterday.

Will I pretend, that my subconscious,
Simply does not exist?
I can't shake the feeling,
That I am god damn dead wrong.
Is it alright,
If I am not sure?

Recollect the past,
As to patch together a lasting effigy,
Every time I think about you,
I go empty.
I bleed out.

I have a lot to give,
A lot to live for.
I have a lot to do,
With the time I've accrued.
But what's it worth to you?
What's it worth?
Probably nothing,
Can't I be something too?

Mistakes, corrections,
All of it taken for granted,
Lost, but I wanna have it,
Is it bad, if I try to take it back?
Is it ok if I just close my eyes and wait,
For it all to change my way?
Why can't it change the way I like it?

So simple, yet I'm confused.
A ghost outside my door,
Smells of your perfume.
So simple yet confused,
Abused and aching,
Willing to die for you.
What's a human to do?

And on I go,
And on I go.
What am I supposed to do?
And on I go,
And on.. and on...

When Being Lost is No Longer an Acceptable Excuse

If it wasn't for you,
I'd still be wearing thin,
Dressed head to toe
In clothes that showed,
What I wanted the world to know
About me.

If it wasn't for you,
I'd never crack a smile,
Or poke my head into conversations,
Just to change them, to show what
Was really worth saying.

If it wasn't for you,
The downward spiral
I thought to be true,
Would still have me glued
To the obvious bathroom floor.

Now the doors are open,
My feet are coping with the pavement.
Catch me racing after each and every sunrise,
Eyes still tied to that one moment,
When you had my tongue under the gun of compromise.

Underestimated Mistakes (All of My Own)

It's so frustrating to me,
When you speak out of line,
What do I have to hide behind?

You came willingly,
Strung out, upside down.
Our seemingly endless love,
Has suddenly crumbled up,
Right before us.

But I'm not one,
To try to fix this.
I lack persistence,
Covet distance, all resistance,
Now, Now, Now.

Time is moving fast,
Didn't get a glance,
As I peered through the glass,
I'm never looking back!

I've waited all of my life for this,
To fill the vastly emptiness.
As I start to get a grip,
I feel it slip right through my fist,
What is this slit across my wrist,
I exist, I exist, I exist!..

To Today, and Forever Always Afraid, of the Way You Pretend to Take Me Away

What can I do to be,
Someone you need?
Do I have to get on my knee's,
Begging please,
Please don't leave me.

I have never met someone who can hold,
So much control over me,
Easily, I used to fuck anyone that I wanted,
Now I'm haunted, by the thought of a touch,
Or anyone, other than you.
What am I supposed to do?

I can't pretend, every day is torture.
Every minute a miniature aborture,
I can see it, slipping through my hands.
In demand, but not something I can have.

Postpartum, only welcome due to circumstance,
Well here I am. You can have my whole being,
If that is what you are feeling.
Do you feel me, am I interesting enough, for you?

Through the thickest black!
You put the attack, on hold.
But I, Tend not to hold back,
Not even a second chance to relapse,
Perhaps, he will forget.
How could I pretend, to put an end,
To the caving of my chest?
Hanging hard on the cusp of every breath.

I've got my mind set on seeing you,
I've got my mind set on the truth,
Will you run or stray away from me?
Will you run or stay with me?
Just lay with me, baby please believe that I won't leave,
it all.
To you.

I guess I will see, as the end and beginning,
Start to coincide, Will I live or die through
This monstrous tide? Is it my time?
Is it right, is it wrong?
Where do I even belong? Am I coming on a tad too strong,
Or just simply not enough?
Enough.

I can taste the buzz of the lift,
Got a loaded gun in a sinking ship.
I can taste the buzz of the lift,
As it starts to shoot sharp pains through my hips.
Through sealed lips, I wont give it a moment to explode,
Seven years of letting go. No one else will know.

I can taste the buzz of the lift,
As my lips switch to shift.
Got a loaded gun in a sinking ship,
I can taste the buzz, but,
I can tell this is it.
As I hit the edge of my limits.

So here's to today, and forever always afraid,
Of the way you pretend to take me away.
Take me away.
Take me away.

To Say Danger Is a Step Too Soon.. Where are you?

Let it change you, the embrace of an impending doom.
The shock waves alone, will encase your brittle bones.
Let it change you, let it change you.

To be honest is to be vulnerable,
I heard on a non sensible version,
A perversion of her,
Unheard.

To test the will of time,
Is to simply fall behind,
A sentimental demon,
A wish to spread a line to hide behind,
So thin,
Where do we even begin?

As I stand here,
Unclear, are the things I hold near.
Window panes bring my disdain,
As a wish to contain,
The evil haunting my fragile brain,
Spits an image so clear.

You chose, you take a chance,
I'll be here on a relapse.
If you so chose to elapse this side of awakened senses,
Then may I pretend that the time spent has surpassed us,
A chance I would never forgive us for,
A slight knock at the door.
What were we put here for.

Do I do what I chose to?
Do I melt between the bonds?
Do I do what I'm used to?
Running away, too afraid to stay,
Do I run or stay?

Will you tell me?
Will let me believe that this thing is alive,
Or am I meant to die,
Alone?
Alone? This time.

By Candle Light...

Fitting the fringe,
Tasting black, insomniac.
When you talk big, you get hit back fast!

Lightning lies to split the ties,
Bowling bubbles stir the rubble,
It's a must to muster up the confidence,
As evidence suggests, an imprint of the excess!
Piling bodies in hotel lobbies,
Everyone can digest the mess of success!

Bit by bit, the increments incriminate,
Suffocate, supplicate, no need to be afraid!
Witnesses out the door, wonder what they're put there for,
A hint of inclination, I settle for indignation.

Oil tankards, and doorbells.
Someone says a question,
"I smell repetitious suggestion,
Who's the culprit at apprehension?"

Raising my fist, I let er' rip!
One two, three four,
A pounding at the door!
My heart out of my chest,
Unimpressed but fully suppressed,
Who the fuck made these cuffs so tight?
Finish our drinks and call it a night.

Gave it all to you,
Ghost of my dreams.
Light of the sky,
Let's me live at night,
But by daybreak I die!

Gave it all to you,
Ghost of my dreams,
Ripper of seems,
Ender to all things!

Gave it all to you,
Ghost.. Host..
Being that no one knows..

Sweatin' Off an Itch Laced With the Stitches, Idle Hands and Flipped Switches.

Back burning pages,
From my Max Bemis bible.
Torn and turned into stages,
As I climb and slip single file.

Stricken to the edge,
As I filter for a choice.
So what is in store?

It's a plain to see thing,
But I plainly can't believe it to be,
So easily in front of me.

Stuck out my tongue when the wedding bells rung,
Tried not to care, but when fair is fair,
I was raped bare by the truth of it.
Wouldn't dare to make an excuse or run from it.

I'll always come back,
Standing in the same spot feels so reassuring.
I'll always come back,
Stagnancy has a reputable feeling.

Omnipotent,
So insistent,
Clawing at my brain, up the wall, down the drain.
What can I do to fix,
What can I do to be apart of this?

Drag me out by my teeth,
I just don't have time to try to feel inclined anymore.
Drag me out while I'm down on my knee's if the need arises,
Nothing else could take me by surprise, even if you tried.
Even if you tried.