What Would You Even Say? (If We Had Never Gone Astray)

I am standing on the edge,
Of everything.
What was that last thing you had said?
I think it went something along the lines of,
Do I matter, and do you even love?
I tried to listened, but I tend to let you down.

As I trudge this forgotten street,
I find myself on my knee's,
Wishing I was back at home.
Only knowing in my brain,
That those days have washed away.

Where do I get off,
Thinking we could conquer this modern world?
I am only a man, and you were only a girl.
Forever destined to be fighting each other,
Like the two of us have had no other.

I look inside every day,
For the strength.
I die a little as time
Pushes the bond between us,
Even further away.

Where do I get off?
Thinking that we could conquer this modern world?
I am only a man, and you were only a girl.
Forever destined to be fighting,
Like we had no chance, We had one another,
Like we had no choice, I am only a man..

I look inside every day,
For the strength.
I die a little as time,
Pushes us even further away.
Even further each day.

Milligrams of Release and Reprieve

Ancient,
Anxious.
Like a paperback,
Smooth to the touch,
But no colors to crush,
With your eyes.

Licking your lips,
Signals I'd wish to forget.
I put it all on a bet,
That I placed when I was still yet growing.
A minor mistake still showing.

Only this house,
With rooms filled to the roof,
With ghosts of calloused calls,
Would I pray to be buried.
Can deeply be something granted?

Walls painted with perfume,
My ceiling fan spits a gust so strong,
I had to clutch to hold on.

Luckily underneath was warm,
I thought that what was normal,
Was abstract and conformed.
Low and behold, I know now,
There is no doubt between the couch.

Gone with admission,
And all of my superstitions,
Were proven right all along.

Only this house,
Filled to the roof,
With ghosts and calloused calls,
Would I pray to be buried,
Can deeply be something granted?

...And They Say Chivalry is Dead.

I like to stay up late,
For no reason at all.
Off the edge of my bed,
Waiting for a phone call.

I've never taken a step outside,
My life revolves around myself,
And by god no else could help me see,
what is truly right in front of me.

I like to write long boring statements,
About girls who like a guy,
Practically living in his mother's basement,
Bragging about how little I try,
To do anything at all,
It's hard when we're so fucking small.

I see people on screens,
Making millions for being obscene.
Suggesting oppressive idea's,
That everyone else seems to care about.

Is it too late to sleep it off,
Could I possibly wake up,
And be ok with what I've done?
Is it too late to admit,
That being scared isn't even the half of it.

I like to hide behind,
Walls I built with time.
I guess I find it easier to lie,
Than to ever let light leave my eyes.

Calypso (I Don't Think So)

Deep dark crater,
Festering foreign feelings.
Hallucinogenic,
Below what I used to know,
Oceanic, super massive,
Expansive static.

Extraterrestrial,
Giant gas, swirling mass.
Engaged acidic gasp.

Pierced the icy crust,
Incapable of remembrance,
To what I once was.

Hum of home licking the back of my frontal lobe.
Twisted by the visions,
Held inside the water.
Temperature, unstable,
Calculate point, unable.

Mother planet made of rings,
Dancing around bringing a sting,
Aquatic eye, ultraviolet light.

(Don't go too far, Don't forget who you are)
A taste for blood coursing through me
(Eat but live well, Caged again alien)
A taste for death, ever consuming!
Festering foreign feelings ever looming,
Ever looming closer, no closure!

Stealth like priority,
Screaming beacon,
Searching for movement,
Gotta eat, can't lose it.

Kill or be killed,
Orbiting still,
Kill or be killed,
Nature of the living,
Breathe, break, sustain, take.
Fight, flight, stay awake.

Orbiting still,
Kill or be killed...
A taste for blood,
What I once was, was..?
A taste for blood,
Never looking back!

Ultima

I can feel the change.
My body, displaced.
To the edge of reason,
Outside the human race.

A calling out
(Yes we know, You must go)
I'm falling down
(Take the task, You're the hand)
Persistent shroud
(Golden Now, Through the clouds)

All perception known,
Replaced with spacious tones.
Peers of gas and density,
Held tight by law of gravity.

Omnipotent aura,
Culling ties of dimensional rights,
Body shed, but my mind expanding.
All thoughts lost, transcending.

To and fro,
No where to go.
Or at least none
That I recognize,
Disbelief as I blink new eyes.
Swirling blackness,
Hot breath slashes,
Through new lungs,
Deranged with madness,
It's happened,
It's happened!

Begging for breath,
I look around,
Only to find,
A broken state of mind.

Who, What, Where, When (Have You been?)

Who, What, Where, When,
Have you been?
Hanging hard on the edge of every whim.
Remembrance of then, and now,
It is all relevant some how...

Desolate distance,
Causing criminal indifference,
Incompetent insistence,
Please, oh please,
What does it all mean?

I've seen it all live and die,
Different walks of life.
How is it that I, am not surprised to find,
My own two feet, walking against me.

Who, What, Where, and When,
Have you been?
I can taste the shape of things to come,
Laced, leaving traces on my tongue,
Familiar, leaving me undone.

You know where I will be.
You know where you can find me.
Under the shadow of the sun.

Praying Mantis

Sever the ties,
Kingdom of lies,
Come to live a life I despise.

Salt the wound,
Black and blue bruises,
Sink this ship of quicksand decisions,
Lift up the skin, insert chip incision.

Is it best to have a heavy head and an empty heart?
Loaded with lead, ego on point by a check mark.

Laugh at the broken, pompous hoarding thugs.
Getting off by tricks and cheap tugs.
I can have anything my wallet agrees to,
Green colored keys, may they beseech you.
Poison concepts dropped by a hat.
Gotta have it all, we call it the diplomat.

I know you know something is wrong.
But we openly play along, praying one day
For a savior named God.

Pacifist, you make me sick!
Apathy and ignorance.
Pacifist, raise your fist,
Shove it in your mouth and bite down.

Subtle and Stale.

Can I,
Can I trust that this
Is something obvious.

Laying flat,
Flat on my back.
I've,
I've got a question,
Can you answer?
Can you tell me?

I know this won't be forever,
But can we live it together?
I know this will end,
But do you want to spend
Every moment alone atoning
For sins you haven't even committed?

Can I,
Can I trust you?
Are my words misused?

Laying flat,
Flat on our backs.
We like to look at,
Look at the planets,
That dance around.

I know this won't be forever,
But can we live it together?
I know this will end,
But do you want to spend it with me?

Can I,
Can I trust you?
Can you trust me?
I thought that it was plain to see,
Yeah, I thought that you and me,
Were plain to see.

Golden Watch (And I Smile Yet Still)

Fantasies, an acceptance of ease.
Starting to piece it all together,
Lost on the coast of forever.
An ocean overflowing,
Causing erosion on my mental cliffs,
Standing on the edge, waiting for it.

Clutched with vice grips,
Flower blooms, out of my finger tips.
Never is never really that long,
Or even half as much as they say.

Waist deep,
No longer pretending to sleep,
Fully awakened from my darkest dreams.
An hour glass an hour past curfew.

If I had the chance,
To do it all again,
I'd give it my all and then some,
Even though I'm no one,
Special at all.

My greatest achievement,
Being a ghost.
A shadow who,
Is glued to the telephone.
Maybe just one call,
Wouldn't hurt you,
At all.

I would trade,
All the stars in our gracious space,
For another glance,
At that precious face,
My words misplaced,
Just like always.

When I get back from,
My holiday,
We can take turns blaming,
Each other.
As long as you are ok,
With waiting.

Is this cage so blatantly hanging,
Round my head?
Where's my next step?

Is it ok if I,
Eat every chapter that we,
So easily prepare?
Unattended conscientious,
Liquid confidence,
You put me on my knee's,
Barring my perfectly crooked teeth!

Upset stomach,
Anxiety like sheets,
Every need covering me,
From head to toe.

In death I'm not even sorry though...
You had me,
You had me.
And I smile yet still.

I Was Wrong, All Along.

Walk into the pharmacy,
Take my throne upon a porcelain toilet seat.
Would you remember me?

Doubt pours down my mouth,
Disabled spine, lustful concubine.
Shedding weight like I'm diseased,
Who has needs besides these prescription dreams.

The great itch,
It races down my arms,
Onto my stomach,
And across my back.
Thank god I can forget living,
And just relax.

Pacify, holster your gun.
No need for a repeat rerun.
Numb. Numb. Oh well,
Washed up, over done.
Whats' the cost,
I'm a sinner!
So much for loss,
Am I the grand prize winner??

Severance!
Honestly, honesty is no excuse.
What would it be like if we never met?

Say your goodbyes,
I'm craving delusion.
Does that coincide with my current seclusion?

Why! Do I, care at all?
How, can I, be there,
Why won't you care either?

What will you make of me,
Will I be peacefully sleeping?
What will you make of me,
Will I be haunting your thoughts,
A parasite of what I was?

Would you remember me?
Would you remember me?
Took apart my own form,
Pieced it back together,
More monster than before,
More monster than words could justly perform.

But I Still Won't Go Back

Catch that old familiar feeling,
Caught on the down wind,
Ain't no thing as a safe place.

I hear stories all the time,
About how people get involved,
I break records and pluck fresh from the vines.
Just to see how inclined with crime I can get.

I will never forget that old smell,
It lingers still on that shirt,
Remembrance of us raising hell,
And the devil nipping at our backs.

Catch that old familiar feeling,
Caught on the down wind of being human,
Ain't no thing as a safe place,
Ain't no thing as comfort.

I'll keep searching, and when I do,
I'll find it wandering in the deep black and blue.
But I won't call you, so we won't have to ask,
The same bullshit questions, in our minds that stack.
I lack apprehension, for a better me.
When lost in the mirror, cracks are all I see.

I make promises I always break,
They take away from the every now and then.
If only I knew what I do now then,
Maybe I would have broken more and said less.
At least then the excess of our spent emotion,
Would be so unhinged in the closure.

Can you find me now?
Did you hear what I said,
Did you see how I laid in the bed?

Can you dig in the ground?
As I lay, pretending to tend my own grave,
As I pray for an ease of memory.
I held you in my arms a final time that night,
Too bad that it all was a lie, it all was mine.